Setting The Table

“Liz, if I have closed that door, there is nothing you can do to open it. Set your own table, invite others, and trust me.”

I remember this conversation with the Lord like it was yesterday. It's a conversation that comes up often in counseling, ladies. It was a prayer that changed the trajectory of my life, brought my head up from looking down, and stretched and challenged me to trust the Lord even deeper.

We all just want to feel valued, seen, and loved. I was in my early 30’s, a mother of two girls, and just coming out of what was one of the hardest and darkest times of my life (a God story for another day). I remember this season well; it was a season of the Lord removing all of the facade of my life, and bringing me back to real, vulnerable, and dependent on Him for everything. My marriage was different, my season of church was different, and my friendships/relationships with others felt shallow, superficial, and draining.

The Lord was exposing rapidly all the places in which I planted myself that I did not belong; they were places where I tried so hard to chase after acceptance, serve with a heart to be seen and not surrendered, and fill places in my heart that truly only He could fill. Prayers for me are often written in my journal as letters to my Heavenly Father, and this one came from a tired heart. "God, why does everything feel hard?"  

It's not every day I get a response from the Lord when I ask, but so quickly I felt the Lord say, “Quit chasing doors that I have already closed; if I have closed that door, there is nothing you can do to open it. Set your own table, Liz,”  I felt even more discouraged, but with the most clarity. What was I chasing? What doors were closed that I was exhaustively trying to open? What does setting my table mean?  I didn't know right away, but the questions the Lord gave me helped me look through a different lens and adjust my course.

The following months would be hard; adjusting course is never easy, but neither is being on a course you don’t belong on. In the following months, God was faithful to reveal the places where I was planted, which served me more than Him. One in particular was saying so long to some friendships or ideas of certain friendships that I ran hard after. Friendships that felt right because we shared similar interests, were around the same age, and served in the same circles. But God had clearly closed the door, because what I was chasing did not bring peace to my life; it often left me with a wrestling heart full of insecurities, hurt, and betrayal. I will never know why the Lord closed certain doors, but in hindsight, I know God is faithful. The heart work of this season was so hard, it looked like times of isolation and even loneliness. Saying goodbye to more things than I was welcoming; my schedule changed, and the places I served changed. But a time came when I heard the Lord whisper, “Set your own table, Liz, without expectation and full trust in me.” I remember being so scared setting my own table.  I was comfortable sitting at other tables. What if no one came? What if the table was too much to handle? In all honesty, what if these people were your people, God, and not “my” people? Clearly, God was still working on my humility, stretching and challenging my heart.

What would I tell you 10 years down the road from this season? Our God is faithful, and check your course. Redirection is never easy but sometimes necessary. The tables that have been set have been in venues of life I would have never even imagined. The people I have come to love and share life with, whether sharpening them or being sharpened by them, are some of the sweetest relationships the Lord has orchestrated. The adventure has not been perfect. And that's okay because I think there is a beautiful sweet spot this side of heaven that holds both beautiful and hard moments in the same breath. I feel it's the exact spot the Lord keeps us dependent on Him, but also reveals His rich goodness. It’s a place I have come to embrace.

Go ahead, set the table!